Central Bank to “Boost Value” of Rupiah with “×3” Labels

JAKARTA - In a bold step to strengthen the national currency without touching the actual economy, Bank Indonesia, the central bank, has announced plans to print “x3” on all existing banknotes. This initiative will immediately triple all existing perceived values on printed money.

The initiative, which is the subsequent action of the government’s redenomination plan to remove three zeroes from the Rupiah, aims to “make money feel bigger” without the hassle of making it worth more. “We’ve tried monetary policy, fiscal discipline, and inflation targeting,” said one unnamed central bank spokesperson. “At some point, you just have to admit a permanent marker is so much cheaper.” According to insiders, the idea came after long debates involving throwing chairs on how to simplify Indonesia’s currency system while still looking impressive in front of the strong US dollar. “Instead of chopping off zeroes, we decided to add a multiplier,” said the spokesperson proudly, in an interview. “I studied economics at Oxford for like 4 years, but sometimes you need a kampung solution. This is local genius.”

Meanwhile, the Ministry of Finance has cautiously welcomed the proposal, earlier this week, noting that it’s “easier than achieving economic growth or creating jobs.” Implementation of the new system is expected to begin once the printing staff complete a short training course on how to use Snowman markers. “I think most of them are still in the early phase of learning how to read. Early prototypes reportedly include a Rp10,000 note labeled “Rp10 x3,” which officials say “psychologically feels like Rp30,000, especially if you squint.”

At press time, the Finance Minister confirmed that if the “x3” program succeeds, the government may consider future expansions, such as “x10” for the central budget and “÷0.5” for public debt. Locals are also currently waiting for confirmation if they can use the Snowman markers themselves.

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